


Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Wears Your Sweaters

by TheSadisticMunchkin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Cute, Destiel Christmas Minibang 2015, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holiday Sweaters, Human Castiel, Light Angst, M/M, Reminiscing, Soldier Dean, dcminibang, idk how to tag things anymore omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 14:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5460287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSadisticMunchkin/pseuds/TheSadisticMunchkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Oh I can't wait to see you again. It's only a matter of time</i>
</p><p>Time was always something Castiel wished for every year. He just needed more time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Wears Your Sweaters

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last fic I signed up to do for the Destiel Christmas Minibang! I had a lot of fun doing these fics and I think this is my best one. 
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone! Gay things and Diamond rings all around <3

**_2030_**

He really needed to start cleaning out the attic.

 

            The place was dusty and smelled of rat pee as he waded through the stacks of boxes. Several cobwebs almost made their way to his face but thankfully he was able to avoid them before he was able to let out an ungodly scream. Honestly, he could clean the attic another time. He just needed to find a few boxes that contained some clothes he was meaning to give away. Lucifer calling and asking him if he had any old clothes was the perfect opportunity.

 

            Soon enough, he was able to find a box and he settled nicely in front of it. It wasn’t taped up like the rest of them for he knew he was going to open it at some point. He blew off the excess dust on the flaps before opening it up. What he found was what he expected, socks, t-shirts from when he was a kid and a few Halloween costumes he assumed was Dean’s. He sorted further into the box until his hands felt a familiar fabric.

 

            Suddenly his side of the floor was littered with the contents of the now empty box beside him.

 

            He just needed to see properly if what he felt was real.

 

            “Here they are… I thought I lost them.” What sat, still perfectly folded, and in Castiel’s lap were three distinct sweaters. They weren’t exactly the most extravagant in terms of design (they were more of thrift store sweaters, really) but each one held a story. Each one of them also belonged to Dean. Two of them were gifts from Castiel to Dean. Of course he left them here at home. How could sweaters be useful in a place such as Afghanistan?

 

            He unfolded the dark green sweater with a simple gingerbread man stitched onto the front first and brought it close to face. He took a whiff of the faint scent of cinnamon and old men’s cologne intertwined into the threads and smiled. He knew this sweater very well.

 

            It’s the one that started it all.

* * *

 

**_ 2015_ **

_The second bell has rung and he still hasn’t found Dean._

 

_His phone was already vibrating like crazy in his pocket and he knew it was at least 5 of his siblings telling him to hurry the fuck up. They were going on one of those rare family vacations out of the country and they needed to catch the next flight in a few hours. Castiel hasn’t even finished packing. He knew there was a part of him that didn’t want to leave just yet and he knew that part of him was Dean Winchester._

 

_If only he could find him._

 

_He was able to bump into Dean’s middle schooler brother on his way to the west exit of the school and he asked him if he’s seen his brother. Sam pointed him in the direction of the library. “I think he’s helping the librarian? Ms. Krista has always had a soft spot for him.” Cas smiled, thanked him, and wished him a Merry Christmas before jogging over to the library. It took him another few minutes to find Dean and he was sitting on the front desk, a stack of books by his side and his head thrown back in laughter._

 

_He was beautiful._

 

_Castiel was suddenly more aware of the badly wrapped present in his left hand and he wiped his palm on the front of his jeans to keep from sweating. Why was he so nervous? This was just Dean, his best friend. This was just Dean, his lab partner in AP Science. This was just Dean, the guy who helped him kick a soccer ball in his freshman year to pass Gym. However, this wasn’t just Dean anymore. He wasn’t just Dean to him anymore._

 

_He was Dean Winchester, the junior he’s hopelessly in love with._

 

_Now he was just Castiel._

 

_“Cas?”_

 

_And he just got caught staring at him._

 

_“C’mere Cas, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”_

 

_Dean beckoned for the older student and Cas gave a small smile before walking towards him. His legs were shaking. His legs were definitely shaking. Why were they shaking? They should stop shaking. “Since you’re leaving today for the holidays, I’ve got your Christmas present for you.” What kind of coincidence was it that they both had their presents today? No. It was just the stars trying to fuck with him. Fuck the stars._

           

_“Merry Christmas, Cas.” Dean handed him a huge box that weighed lighter than how it looked. It was bigger than half his body and he had to peer over the top to keep looking at Dean. His smile was wide and his eyes sparkled in the dim library light. It’s times like these that reminded Cas that Dean was younger than him. Dean’s eyes held the rebellious sheen and the hunger for adventure but they have seen way worse things than he has ever only seen in his nightmares._

 

_Cas didn’t want him to have nightmares anymore._

 

_“Thank you Dean. I’ve got something for you too.”_

 

_“Really?” There it was again. His voice, slightly higher in pitch, portrayed the excitement and child-like wonder Cas almost forgot about because of finals week. Cas set down Dean’s present for him and he steadily, shakily, handed his own gift. He didn’t even have to say anything for Dean to take it in his own hands and try to figure out what was inside. He only looked up to confirm if he could open the present but the word barely escaped his lips before Dean was able to rip the wrapping paper off like an animal._

 

_In no time, Dean was holding up the 5 dollar, dark green sweater from his favorite clothes store in front of him and he has never seen anyone so excited to see a sweater. “Aw I’ve been meaning to buy this for a while! Thanks, Cas!” His smile was already enough to make Cas feel like he was on top of the world._

 

_Then he had to go and wear it right in front of him._

 

_“Fits perfectly! I hope you like your gift too, Cas. I worked really hard on it.”_

 

_Then he had to go and be thoughtful._

 

_“Say hi to Lucifer for me, by the way! Also Anna but I don’t think she’d like to hear from me.”_

 

_Then his phone had to start vibrating._

 

_“It seems that my family is waiting for me now.” (Goodbye Dean.)_

 

_“Okay. Merry Christmas again, Cas! I hope you have a good vacation!”_

 

_“Merry Christmas, Dean.”_

* * *

 

            He folded the sweater up again and unfolded a new one, this time a dark blue piece with a simple snowflake pattern. It looked plain to an outsider’s eyes but to him this sweater was more than just its pattern and color.

 

            It was the first of many.

* * *

 

            **_2017_**

**** _“I don’t think it was a good idea to try baking today, honey.”_

 

_“What do you mean? You’re beginning to look a lot like Christmas!”_

 

_“If you start singing, I swear I will rip your vocal chords out.”_

 

_“I thought you liked hearing my voice, angel. Especially when I scream.”_

 

 _“How is it possible that you’re_ this _horny on Christmas Eve?”_

 

_Dean wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and buried his nose in his neck. Damn it. Dean knew that was his weak spot. How was it possible to stay even the slightest bit mad at a man who made his heart melt every single fucking time? He needed a manual. “I have a boyfriend who is the most beautiful being on this planet. How can I not be?”_

 

_Dean knew that compliments were his weak spots too._

 

_Cas turned around in his boyfriend’s arms and booped his nose with a flour-stained finger. “You need to learn how to control yourself, Dean.” Said the guy who practically jumped Dean during his Graduation. A beat of comfortable silence passed before Cas glanced back at the counter behind him. The wooden countertop looked like a wonderland of unfinished dough and crude flour angels carved from cookie cutters. “We’re going to have to clean this at one point you know.”_

 

_“Can that point be after midnight?”_

 

_“You’re unbelievable.”_

 

_“I want to give you your present now.”_

 

_Silence passed after Dean’s unexpected exclamation and Castiel could only stare at him dumbfounded. “Right now? I thought you were iffy about giving Christmas presents only after midnight?”_

 

_“Well this is a special present. I think this one could break the rules.”_

 

_Dean placed a chaste kiss on Cas’ lips before he grabbed his hand and led him to their shared living room. Cas was glad his family agreed to give him an apartment instead of making him live inside a campus dorm. It gave him more alone time with Dean. Alone time with Dean was always fun. Now, his heart was beating faster than it ever has in his entire life. He didn’t think he would start getting this nervous over a Christmas present but he was._

 

_Before he knew it, he was sitting cross-legged in front of the lavishly decorated Christmas tree. Dean bent over slightly to search through the few presents underneath it, which gave him a very nice view of his assets. He wondered how he got so lucky to call this man his. Soon enough, Dean emerged with a brown paper package tied up with string. Cas almost snorted at the musical theatre reference but he was too distracted by Dean sitting in front of him to care._

 

_“Open it, angel.”_

 

_“I hope it’s not a prank gift like the one on my birthday.”_

 

_“It wasn’t a prank gift! We used it a lot of times in the bedroom.”_

 

_“Yeah but I had to open it in front of my family!”_

 

_“I promise this isn’t a prank gift.”  Dean’s voice was soft and reassuring this time and that never failed to make Cas feel better. He took a deep breath and carefully opened the package. In a few seconds, he held a blue sweater with a snowflake pattern in his hands. The fabric was soft, softer than a regular Christmas sweater. The patterns looked like they were hand-sewed. Cas looked up at Dean with a confused expression and his boyfriend smiled at him._

 

_“It’s a handmade Christmas sweater by my mom. She made it for me the Christmas before she died. It was always a little too big on me, up to now.” Cas couldn’t say a word. All he could do was reach his hand out Dean and let his reassurance be felt through his fingertips. “I always wear it once midnight strikes. That was the time she handed it to me. It makes me feel like she’s still here with me. Still smiling and wishing me a Merry Christmas.”_

 

_“Christmas hasn’t been the same since she died. Not until I met you.”_

 

_His heart almost stopped beating._

 

_“You made Christmas for me… happy again. Christmas used to be the most dreadful time of the year. I hated it. But when I got into high school and met you in AP Science, everything was different. Christmas was special again.” Cas lifted his hand up to Dean’s face and wiped a wayward tear away with his thumb. He never liked it when Dean cried but he knew that this was what he needed to do._

 

_“Now you’re my boyfriend! I’m yours and you’re mine. I still can’t believe it to this day.” He held the hand that was on his face in his own and placed both of them gently on top of the sweater in their laps. “So I want you to have this sweater. It’s really cheesy but it’s a symbol of who made Christmas special before and who made Christmas special now.” Castiel couldn't even stop his own tears now but he didn’t care._

 

_Cas kneeled down in front of Dean and placed feather light kisses all over his face. His eyes, his nose, his cheeks, and the thousands of freckles that littered his skin all received a kiss. He stopped just before his lips and leaned his forehead against Dean’s. “I love you Dean.” He heard Dean’s breath hitch in his throat but he didn’t care as he pressed their lips together. He knew this was the first time he said I love you. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it._

 

_Dean needed to hear it._

 

_He finally pulled away for what felt like hours and was only slightly startled by the now incessant ding of the old grandfather clock in the corner. Midnight. It was…_

 

_“Christmas.” Dean whispered, afraid that if he said anything above that volume his voice would betray him._

 

_“Merry Christmas, love.”  He could practically feel the heat of Dean’s blush when he called him that. He vowed to tell Dean how much he loved him as many times as possible. For now, there was another way he could show him his love. He glanced down at the special sweater in Dean’s lap and picked it up. “Lift your arms up, love.” Dean did as he was told and he barely protested when Cas donned the sweater on him. He smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles on the front and smiled at him._

 

_“It’s after midnight, love. It was time for you to wear the sweater.”_

 

_The kitchen counter was left unclean for the rest of the night._

* * *

 

            Cas wiped away a few tears that started gathering in his eyes and shook his head. It was silly how emotional he was getting over pieces of fabric with Christmas patterns. Yet here he was, crying on the dusty attic floor with Dean’s special Christmas sweater clutched to his chest. He dreaded to see what the last sweater was. In fact, he closed his eyes for a moment to will it to go away. Of course that didn’t happen. One single glance and he knew which sweater this was.

 

            It was bright red with little snowmen dancing on the hem of the sleeves. It looked like the silliest one but it symbolized one of the most important days of his life.

 

            Dean wore it the day he proposed to him.

 

            He couldn’t even bring himself to reminisce on it because it was too much. The emotions, the love pouring out of him as he said yes, the cheers and claps from his family somehow provided a stab to his gut. At their wedding day, Dean promised him forever. Forever they would stand at each other’s side. Forever they would kiss each other and say I love you. Forever they would hold each other at night and remember whom they belonged to.

 

            How could they have forever when every year Dean went off to fight?

 

            How could they have forever when the only kiss he gets every year is the one before he leaves?

 

            How could they have forever when the only way Cas can have more time with Dean is remembering when he wore these old sweaters?

 

            _Time._

 

God he wanted more time. He wished, he prayed, he longed for more time. Time was never on his side. Time told him he had enough but it never felt like enough. Time told him that Dean would leave again, fight for his country and leave behind a broken hearted husband and an empty side of the bed. Yet he had enough time to cry on the attic floor with three every distinct Christmas sweaters in his arms.

 

            This was not how he wanted to spend his time.

 

            “Please come back Dean. Come back…”

 

            He supposed he sounded pretty selfish but what was a soldier’s husband to do? Dean has revered the army since he was a kid. His dad was in the navy for fuck’s sake. How could he stop him from even signing up? Still, it broke his heart every time Dean would kiss his forehead in the middle of the night. He was always called for early in the morning. Always during the holiday season. The most he could stay was for thanksgiving.

 

            Couldn’t he stay longer?

 

            He missed the days of high school where he would catch up to him, wide-eyed and full of adventurous spirit. He would talk for hours on end with him on the phone. He would Skype with him when he was in college just a few weeks before his graduation. He missed the days of their time in college. Where they shared a two-bedroom apartment but they always stayed in one. During those days, they had all the time in the world.

 

            During those days, he wasn’t afraid of any day that went by without him.

 

            They had a good married life. Dean was getting enough army funds for his excellent services every day. Cas would always be the one to open the letters because the day before he received them, he was already off to another country. Before, Cas would be delighted to know that Dean was so revered and almost worshipped in the army. Now, Cas just wanted him to get shot in the leg so he could stay longer. Maybe even indefinitely.

 

            There it was again, him being selfish. He couldn’t control it sometimes.

 

            Yet, it was Christmas. Christmas was always such a special time to him ever since he met Dean. He knew Dean felt the same way. The tinsel, the caroling, the scarves, the fairy lights and of course the sweaters always filled him with such joy. Dean’s hands on his waist and the scent of freshly baked cupcakes reminded him of simple days and not so silent nights. Time. It was always about time. He prayed everyday for more time. Would he get it this time?

 

            He continued to cradle the three sweaters against his chest, occasionally rocking back and forth as he did so. He wished this wasn’t the case every year. He soon remembered he had a duty to Lucifer’s Christmas charity and he tried to collect himself into less of a mess. Such of which was a very hard feat. He did it anyway and stood up on shaky legs as he placed the other clothes he knew were way too small on him into the box. He draped the sweaters over his arm, choosing to put them in the wash once he finished, and left the attic.

 

            The moment his socked feet touched the last step on the stairs, the doorbell rang. He checked the clock and was surprised to see that it was already 8:30pm. He must have been up in that attic longer than he thought. He placed the box of clothes and the three sweaters on the couch before jogging up to the front door. He didn’t bother to look at the peephole before opening up the door. What stood in front of him brought him to tears.

 

            There stood Dean Winchester, an arm close to his chest in a bright red cast. His hair was covered by a matching red beanie and a relieved smile graced his face. “Heya Cas. I was told to come home for Christmas this time.” He knew he intended it as a light-hearted joke but he didn’t care. Cas was full blown sobbing at this point and he launched himself at his husband. He was careful not to crush his arm as he buried his nose into Dean’s neck.

 

            He smelled like an amalgamation of gunpowder and pine leaves. Damn it if Cas thought that was the most comforting scent in the world. It was because it was Dean’s scent. No one else in the world could smell so uniquely Dean Winchester. And he was here. Right in front of him. He was here a week before Christmas instead of a week after. “I fucking missed you so much.” Was all he had to say and Dean laughed.

 

            “I fucking missed you too, Cas. I missed you so much.”

 

            Cas pulled away and placed a well-awaited kiss on his husband’s lips. “Come on. I’ve got something to show you. I found your old sweaters in the attic.” Dean wasted no time in picking up his duffle bag before entering the house. Cas showed him the sweaters that symbolized some of the most important milestones of their lives and Dean was more than happy to see them again. They laughed and told each other stories until the clock told them it was 10:30 and Castiel realized he probably hasn’t eaten yet.

 

            He took his time in preparing the burgers that Dean loved so much in the kitchen as Dean talked a mile a minute about a chance encounter with one of his ex-girlfriends. He sat on the kitchen counter as he did so. Only when he finished placing the burgers on a plate did he notice that Dean was wearing one of the sweaters. It was the green one. The red one sat on his lap, neatly folded like a few hours ago. He looked a little silly with his cast still _inside_ the sweater. The other sleeve looked hilariously limp without an arm inside of it.

 

            “I thought we should get into the Christmas spirit. Besides,” He held up the red sweater with a small smile on his face. “I’ve never seen you in this sweater before. I bet you’d look amazing in it.”

 

            “It’s your sweater, Dean.”

 

            “No.” Cas raised an eyebrow at him and took a step closer until he was right in between his husband’s legs. Dean placed a quick kiss on the tip of his nose and smiled wider. “It’s ours.” He whispered gently, reminiscent of their days in college when he was afraid people would hear them if they were too loud. “Go ahead. Put it on.” Cas did as he was told and removed the plain gray sweater from his body. Dean let out a low whistle when he saw Cas wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath.

 

            He rolled his eyes and put the sweater on. It was too big on him obviously but it was warm and snug like a hug from a loved one. He looked up at Dean and he hummed a noise of approval. “I was right. You do look amazing in it.” Cas could only blush hard as Dean placed a warm hand on his cheek. “Merry Christmas, my angel.”

 

            “Merry Christmas, love.” he intended to whisper back but his words were caught on Dean’s lips. He didn’t seem to mind. He cradled Dean’s face in between his hands and breathed in through his nose. He didn’t know when this kiss would end. He didn’t think he wanted it to end. All that mattered was that Dean was here and he was kissing him like they had all the tomorrows and sunsets in the world to watch soon enough. He kissed him like he had enough time.

 

            Only because they do have time now.

 

            For that, it was finally a Merry Christmas.

 

**_The Lord in his kindness_ **

**_He gives me what you’ve always wanted_ **

**_He gives me more time_ **

 

**_Oh I can’t wait to see you again_ **

**_It’s only a matter of time_ **

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to talk about shit like this with me, go to my tumblr (castielfishofthelord) and send me a message!
> 
> Give it up for parker-rosen on tumblr for doing the art for this fic! It's amazing and you should check out Parker's other art pieces too :)
> 
> And yes it's all a Hamilton reference. Castiel is now Eliza. Fight me on this.


End file.
